Feature for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“There’s a very peculiar smell in here,” says Robbie Coltrane, sniffing the air as he walks into the room of Manhattan’s posh Regency hotel. “Och, wait a minute – I think it’s me,” he laughs. “I just flew in yesterday from London for the New York premiere and I shaved on the plane, and they give you those little pouches of stuff in first class, and it said Bulgari on it. And I thought, Bulgari? That’s up-market stuff. So I sprayed it on everywhere.” The comedian pauses before adding, “Wish I hadn’t, because it’s ghastly – disgusting! Now I smell like those adolescent boys who’ve just discovered girls and they drench themselves in Faberge Brut! Whoof!” Not that anyone could mistake the amply-proportioned comedian for a gangly, love-struck teenager, but Coltrane has been hanging out with Harry Potter and his mates for the better part of the last five or six years, so maybe some of the teen behaviour has begun to wear off on him. Back for the third installment in the series, ‘Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,’ the comedian once again plays the friendly bearded giant Hagrid who helps Harry, Hermione and Ron negotiate their way through another year at Hogwarts.

Although he’s dressed in black from head to toe, Coltrane’s in fine fettle as he talks about making the film, the loss of Richard Harris, vying with George Clooney for female fans, and appearing in the final episode of ‘Frasier.’

Do the kids drive you mad. Are you sick of Harry Potter yet?
Here’s the trouble – everyone really likes each other and the kids are lovely. The English press who’d find dirt under Jesus’ fingernails are so ****** off that none of them are on drugs yet, and that we all get on so well. People keep asking me, ‘How’re the kids?’ And I say, ‘Oh, they’re ******* great. I miss them and I look forward to starting the next film.’ Then they go (in a deep whisper) ‘But how are they really?’ And the truth is, they’re great. But no one’s happy with that.

Didn’t they start the next Harry Potter film already?
No, no, they haven’t started. (Pauses and makes a shocked face) They’re filming? Is there a big guy on the set? Has anyone seen Brian Blessed recently? Have you seen that ad they do where William Shatner finds he’s being replaced by Nimoy – it’s a good gag.

Do you get recognized a lot without the beard?
The kids don’t recognize me although the grown-ups know me from other things, of course. And they get Brownie points for seeing me and telling their kids who I am. I can be trying to sneak through the airport and they go, ‘Do you know who that man is, Doreen?’ And I go, (mimes ‘Please, please don’t say anything – I beg you!’)

What’s the funniest place you’ve ever been recognized in?
(With a straight face) A gay bar in San Francisco. I was there in my leather-hosen. No. Just joking.

Daniel’s 14 now. Did you have any advice for him, now he’s grappling with adolescence and growing up and acne and girls?
No, just find ‘em, **** ‘em and forget ‘em. No, of course not. It’s so long ago since I was that age and the world is so different now, I wouldn’t know what to tell him at all, I really wouldn’t.

So what kind of thing do they ask you about?
They ask me about acting, although Emma doesn’t. I don’t think she asks anyone. She’s a very focused performer and quite certain about what she wants out of anything. But Daniel on the first film was like a little puppy dog who wanted to know everything. ‘What’s that? What’s he doing?’ And that’s great, as he wanted to find out. The people who are cool – that’s great at 15, but by the time they’re 30 they’re really boring as they haven’t learned anything ‘cos they’re too ******’ cool to ask, ‘How does that work?’ So I think Dan will probably be directing by the time he’s 18 as he’ll know everything. He sits down with the sound guy and tries on the earphones and knows all the different mics – but he asks a lot less questions than he used to.

Alan Rickman joked that it’s funny to watch the kids grow up while the rest of you get so bewilderingly old.
(Laughs) Absolutely. I don’t want to talk about how old I’m getting, as that’s not a good career move, but I will talk about how confident the kids are getting. I think Daniel could do anything he wants to. He’s learned to be an actor, and he might well decide to learn something else and do that. Last summer he wanted to be a comedian. He kept coming up to me and telling me some of the worst jokes I’ve ever heard, most of them my father would have told.

What was the worst?
Name a garment schoolboys wear that might burn your hands. A blazer (groans). So he’s a normal kid. Except for all this stuff. When he went to Japan there were 3,000 screaming girls waiting for him at the airport, and they were making that high-pitched noise African women make at funerals. It scares the **** out of me.

Do you ever get screamed at?
Not like that. I’m doing the new ‘Ocean’s 12’ film in Amsterdam with George Clooney who was teasing me the other day, ‘cos every time he sticks his nose out the window, 5,000 women scream. And sometimes you can’t even see them. Where the **** did that noise come from? And there’s a boat coming down the canal full of women and they’re all screaming at him.

Who do you play?
A bad guy, a fixer.

So George was giving you advice?
No, we were bull********, as those guys do – Brad and the boys. It’s like the boy’s club. George’d stick his head out, we’d all hear the screams and then he’d say, ‘OK Robbie, it’s your turn now,’ and I’d go, ‘Yeah, funny man.’ And yesterday at the premiere when there were all these screaming female fans I was thinking, I wish George was here and could see me getting out of a car to all the screaming.

Is all the Hagrid makeup easier now?
The girls have their technique down, but it’s still revolting having your face covered in glue. I hate it.

The scenes with the Hippogriff were magical. How did they do it?
They had 3 things; a horse, a mechanical one for me to put Harry on, and then the CGI effects one that was added later. And that was magical for us too, it couldn’t be hokey at all.

Has ‘Harry Potter’ changed your life?
Not at all. I still live in London and I’ve been recognized for over 20 years, so there’s no difference. But the children is different as most weren’t allowed to watch my stuff.

What do your own kids think of you now?
Is hasn’t changed them either. It’s just what Dad does. They’ve seen me dressed as a nun, so a beard means nothing to them. But they love the magic of it, absolutely love it.

How tough was it losing Richard Harris?
Is was weird as he died between films, so everyone felt it was end of an era, and a lot of us felt bad we hadn’t had time to say goodbye, as he was a lovely man. I think the kids took it very badly as he was dead funny with them. He was very like Brando in that sense, as he was always very nice to other actors and children and makeup ladies and people in the lower echelons, and then he’d **** upwards, as they say. And I liked that, ‘cos I know a lot of stars who **** downwards. Anyone in a suit turns up and the tongue’s you know where. Then as soon as they leave, it’s ‘Listen, if you do my nails like that again you’re dead *****!’ And I don’t like that. I like the Harris approach.

How was working with new director Alfonso Cuaron?
A nightmare (deadpan). Dreadful. No sense of humour. I don't know how he got the job. He must have slept with somebody. No. I adore him. I think he's a wonderfully talented man. He's exactly the way I expected him to be having seen in his films. Slightly wild and crazy, rock 'n roll and adolescent, but phenomenonally focused about what he wants to do.

What's the main difference between this one and the last one?
I don't want to diss anybody or say anyone is better than anyone else.

Every film is a year in the life of the children. This film had to be darker and more rock 'n roll and immediate. A big budget movie if you're not careful is a cumbersome beast. It's hard to keep a level of agility and vitality going. He kept the camera moving all the time, which the CGI people so hate. It's mindblowing complicated stuff.

We're seeing Hagrid grow. How's that been to play?
It's quite easy really. What was interesting was that he wanted Harry's approval. The children kind of rescued him this time. It's a great turnabout because that's what happens as your children get older. They start doing things for you and it's quite shocking when they do.

Do you see Hagrid as a father figure?
Dumbledore's more of the father figure. That role is divided between Dumbledore and Hagrid. The geography of Hagrid is very important because here's the main building and here's Hagrid. While Hagrid's a part of it, he's also away from it. He's like the good janitor at school, the one who wouldn't tell on you. In the early days, he told Harry how Hogwarts worked, and now the children are more like equals.

Do you find your job easier now that the young actors know what they're doing?
Absolutely. It's much quicker. It's like competence with anything, you work out the bits you don't have to worry about. You work out the bits you can discard. They're much more focused, I would say. You shouldn't worry about the level of performance you give on a particular scene because there are going to be 10 takes. If you do a take wildly over the top, it'll end up on the cutting room floor. When you're new to the business and give a bad performance, you're afraid that's the one they're going to use. You think you'll be judged. You have to be brave. I remember saying that to Daniel one day. I said, don't hold back. If you're absolutely dreadful doing this, it'll end up on the cutting room floor. It may, however, be exactly what's needed and it'll work.

You were on the last episode of Frasier, playing one of Daphne’s wacky brothers. How was that?
That was such fun. They had asked me to be on it for some time and I just couldn't do it because of this. They said, it's the very last one. You must come do something. I said, ‘What'll I do?’ They said, ‘We don't know, just come over’. So we kind of made it up this language. I did. It's kind of a Yorkshire dialect. I had to write it down eventually. It had to sound like words. Every so often had to throw in a word that people would recognize. I heard it went alright. It was a great show. It's heartbreaking that it's finished. 11 years. Talk about working as a family. The last night was Goodnight Seattle. Everybody was like, oohhh. I wasn't even in it and I was choked up.

Do you see yourself staying a part of Harry Potter series for all seven movies?
I don't know. I can't answer that. I signed for four and I'll do four. No complication there.